Why Men Are Never Depressed

January 13, 2009 at 4:40 pm 18 comments

My husband emailed the content below to me this morning. A guy friend emailed it to him. Both of these men respect women and treat them as equals. Cheers to all such men!


Men Are Just Happier People–

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a twelve-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Entry filed under: equality, feminism, feminist, misogyny, women, women's health, women's issues, women's rights. Tags: , , , .

Equal pay for women Workplace Fights Between Women Holds Them Back

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Laugh of the Day | Marguerita's Mess  |  January 14, 2009 at 4:25 am

    […] Why Men are Never Depressed This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 13th, 2009 and is filed under Laugh of the Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. « Absolutely Gorgeous Artwork […]

  • 2. Demosthenes  |  January 28, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Little quips like this are the reason that there will never be any true equality and parity in gender relations. (Just for the record, I discourage women bashing by men as well.)

    Men can be depressed and do suffer from depression. Such dehumanization is problematic of creating a truly gender equal society.

  • 3. mike  |  February 13, 2009 at 7:56 pm


    And Demosthenes, I can see why you would say that, and you’re not all wrong, but do read what you write before posting. People are less inclined to accept information from sources that force their opinions on you.
    Quips like this ILLUSTRATE the difference between men and women (i.e. different brains, different ways of thinking). We are superficially similar but internally we may as well be different species. Jokes about this difference do not CAUSE the difference to manifest itself.

  • 4. Matt  |  February 14, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    The person above me needs to ligthen up.

    I’m a guy and I got a good laugh at this to be honest.

    But it’s only a joke so people need to loosen up.

    Stumbled 🙂

  • 5. h  |  February 14, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    umm.. petrol station?? and i do not think men are happier, they may have it easier..but not necessarily better! also, they die before women so in the end, we’re stronger and have more longevity!

  • 6. a very happy woman  |  February 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    well… i still wouldn’t want to be one !!!

  • 7. Han Lie  |  March 27, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    Why women should not be depressed.

    Women live longer than men.
    Women don’t feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.
    Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.
    A woman can never be blamed if it’s wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.
    If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it’s because she
    was being emotionally neglected.
    Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable
    standard at the same time.
    A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
    Only women know the truth about whether size matters …..
    If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.
    Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking
    about either sex or football.
    A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.
    Women don’t have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.
    If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she’s cute.
    If a woman cries, she’s sensitive; if a man cries, he’s a wimp.
    Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.
    It’s cool to be a daddy’s girl. It’s sad to be a mummy’s boy.
    Women aren’t covered with hair like shag carpeting.
    Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.
    Women don’t think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their
    species stands for.

  • 8. Jody  |  March 11, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    As far as Im concerned women really are the less in most situations. Sad but true.

  • 9. ihh  |  February 17, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Women have less to live for than men all the way around. Their quality of life is poor, and worsens as their lives go on. The men who are whining on here are weak minded apologists for patriarchy.

  • 10. Shadowfax  |  March 1, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    that poem is pretty spot on.

    But for some wierd reason, it makes me feel that man aren’t that intellectually equal. I have absolutely no idea why.

    Anyway, that’s pretty funny

    Now, time to get on my xbox.

  • 11. rosina  |  September 29, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    This “joke” is very insulting, and all it does is reinforce sexism and gender stereotypes. Somehow it forgets to mention that men lead unfulfilling stunted lives because of their egocentricity and emotional immaturity, that they disregard others’ feelings all the time, but like to whine and complain like babies if anyone disregards their feelings. More importantly, this joke fails to acknowledge that these “differences” it casts between men and women are institutionally and socially constructed ideologies that give men (especially white men) privileges. These privileges are 1) not biological 2) not earned 3) established by ongoing legacies of colonization, exploitation, killing, slavery and unequal rights.

    Don’t confuse sensitivity with weakness. Don’t confuse kindness with weakness. Don’t confuse disregard for others’ feelings with strength. Don’t confuse what comes easy to you with justice. Statistics show there are more single parent women than single parent men, and that must mean that there are more women than men who are doing what we consider both the “man’s job” and the “woman’s job.” You disrespect all these women when you make jokes like these, and you fail to hold men responsible for the societal changes some of us work so hard for.

  • 12. qi  |  January 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    It so stupid how both genders are still fighting among each other! This is one of the reasons the world is so messed up!

  • 13. Jacob Chacko  |  May 6, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    No, if feminists can whine about demeaning jokes towards women, they better damn well accept that jokes that are demeaning towards men are equally part of the problem – or you’re not about equality, you’re about supremacy.

  • 14. ceemonkey  |  March 19, 2015 at 1:14 am


    Meanwhile, your arguments against this joke are full of hackneyed stereotypes about men and women…

  • 15. Metalchemy  |  July 18, 2015 at 10:09 pm

    And that’s why around 70% of suicides are committed by men? Reported statistics may show a higher number of female depression, but men seek help far less because of the social stigma. See men aren’t allowed to be sensitive and express emotional pain. We’re supposed to be rocks. I can’t tell you how many times we get told to “man up” or “grow some balls”. We’ve always been told that we have to have grit to provide and protect our families. Now you have the current death of traditional marriage with the highest divorce rates in history, and our role as providers is so deeply embedded that we loose our identity.Then to add insult, we get destroyed in divorce courts. Look at Caesar Milan, he was ordered to pay something like $24,000 a MONTH in alimony to his ex wife, then he attempted suicide. No, men aren’t generally happier, we just hold it in until we break.

  • 16. Ian  |  October 3, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    Just came across this as I was looking for something that would help my own sense of despair. This joke is sexist and disparaging. Rates of depression and suicide among men are sky high, and this crap only reinforces the role society forces on us that make us unable to find a voice to scream. It paints us all as unintellectual oafs content as long as we have a car to work on and a woman to watch the house and who will take any shitty circumstance because hey, whatever, we’re guys. And the comment below from rossina somehow manages to take this bloated, age-weathered stereotype that disparages men and make it even more poisonous towards male mentality by framing it within the context of modern feminism and taking de facto that this is how men, by and large, are. My depression just got ten times worse.

  • 17. Anonymous  |  March 18, 2016 at 4:35 am

    “Don’t confuse sensitivity with weakness. Don’t confuse kindness with weakness. Don’t confuse disregard for others’ feelings with strength.”

    If this were taught to everyone in high school in health class this world we live in wouldn’t be filled with so much hurt.

  • 18. achavers22  |  May 1, 2016 at 6:29 am

    Obviously men don’t suffer depression. They’re not human and don’t represent the majority of the suicide epidemic. Men who have depression are just “making it up” because they’re so privileged and incapable of self-loathing, self-doubt. Fuck this shit. I have problems with depression, up and downs, and am appalled by the fact that every man with these problems is dismissed as “ungrateful.” I really don’t care if this is a joke or not. This poem comes from someone who obviously suffers the pain of being a woman in a man society, but thinks that men should just be happy BECAUSE. Doesn’t work like that. Men have problems too. They’re just invisible to you. We bleed red, and people like you enforce the idea that all these young men killing themselves in record numbers should be happy JUST BECAUSE. Oh, well, go on and write your poems. Guys are just thoughtless assholes who have the nerve to suffer problems. FUCK THIS POEM, joke or not. Sounds like a total bitch. The reason men don’t report depression is because they’re embarrassed to. They self medicate through drugs/alcohol and don’t report their symptoms. All along I’ve been nervous/afraid to express my true opinion to people like this. but I’m going to say it now, even if you block me. You have no understanding of how depression affects males and maybe if you sat down and did research you would realize that we also have problems. They may not be the same ones as you, but they still persist. You’re not progressive/encouraging in any way, even if this poem is satire. You’re a part of the fucking problem. And, as a young male, I’m tired of shit like this coming from people who don’t understand us REMOTELY. This is bullshit. Maybe if you had a son who suffered depressive problems you would feel differently. I don’t know/can’t be the judge. Go tell a man who’s ready to end everything that he should be happy thanks to this PIECE OF SHIT POEM. I understand you have problems but SO DO WE!!!! We’re not just assholes. That’s why men don’t like you and your movement. Frankly I think you’re part of the problem, but go on and share your bullshit, even if it is satire/joking. I wish I had the courage to tell you people how I felt during college when I suffered the problems of depression (and still do). But I’m going to tell you right now. You’re not helping the problem in any way. YOU’RE NOT!! Send this poem to all the young men suffering illness and see what they have to say about it. BUT MEN DONT SUFFER ILLNESS!! THEY SHOULD BE GRATEFUL. FUCK THIS! And go on and block me. I just wanted to finally summon the temerity to tell you kind of people what I think about you. I hope you have to deal with a male who suffers depression and tell them they have nothing to worry about. I don’t care if this is satire or not. People like you are poison/venomous, and if you have male children I seriously fell sorry for them. But then again they’re not capable of feeling bad!!! Fuck you!!

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