Should a man be able to demand sex from “his woman” anytime he wants?

June 24, 2007 at 5:40 pm 18 comments

sex1.jpgTo some the question of whether a woman should meekly oblige her husband with sex without any protest might seem redundant since in today’s day and age this type of thinking simply should not exist.

However, I come from a very traditional background and I know this thinking does still exist within pockets of our culture. Allow me to make it clear that I do not desire to invoke some sort of battle of the sexes. It is not my goal to separate the two genders, but to bring them together in a spirit of better understanding and equality.

I do not wish to replace the current patriarchal system (a form of social organization in which the male is the family head and title is traced through the male line) with the former matriarchal system (A society or political/social system in which women hold the power) that existed for thousands of years during much of the Neolithic and pre-historic times.

It is my opinion that one gender should not be in power over the other gender at all, but that both genders should lead the world together in unison and equality. I do not believe this merging of the genders will bring any type of utopian society, but it seems to me that when we see both men and women come together to work on the pressing issues facing the world, this is also when we will see humanity at its best.

Which is why I feel obligated to poke holes into the traditional thought that still lingers in regards to the treatment of women. This is why it is necessary to tell women that they are no obligated to obey men anymore. This is also why topics like obligatory sex must be broached in order to dispel the long-standing notions of male superiority.

And so the question at hand is whether a woman should feel obligated to provide sex for her husband at anytime he requests it. The answer, of course, is an emphatic no. Sex is a human act that should be enjoyed by both genders and if both genders do no enjoy the act, then it simply should not happen.

In fact, sex should not be about satisfying just one person while the other lies flat and watches. When the act is done right, both partners are satisfied during sex and no one feels used or abused. This is the beauty of the physical union of male and female.

Putting aside those silly notions most of our parents believed such as proper women should not enjoy sex or desire sex, we all know that in reality women are sexual beings just like men. Women desire sex and think about sex often – just like men.

Therefore, when it is time to have sex, why on earth would any woman decide that she should be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am instead of a willing participant of mutually enjoyable act? Selfish partners are such an annoyance, but if you have a man who does not satisfy you sexually, then it is he who needs a lesson or two in this area.

Truth be told, if a man wants frequent sex, then he needs to learn how to effectively seduce his lady – and trust me, women love to be seduced. A little touching here and there, some nice whispers in the ear and a few soft kisses on the neck will go a long way with most women.

Yet some men are so dense that they think they have a right to just walk up and demand sex on the spot. Women do not respond to such demands very well and even if she gives into his demands she will probably feel used when the act is finished – especially if he did not have the common sense or desire to satisfy her.

Old school thought was that sex should be done merely for producing children. We are far past that point in society. Yet this idea that women should be sex toys for men still lingers. What is so ironic about this notion is that when men have an orgasm, they release sperm for reproduction.

This is not true about female orgasms. There is no biological function for the female orgasm in reproduction. Therefore, when a man has an orgasm, it is biologically for the ongoing advancement of our species. However, when a woman has an orgasm – it is for nothing more than her enjoyment.

One could easily deduce from what science currently knows about the male and female orgasms that men are the ones with a function to perform and women are just suppose to enjoy the whole process. Of course, I do not believe either gender should forego the enjoyment of sex, but I simply wanted to point out the obvious.

To answer the question at hand, if a man wants to have frequent sex then he must understand that women are not on earth merely to serve as his plaything. Women are not sex slaves, they are human beings just like men and have needs and desires to be fulfilled just like men.

There are far too many big-headed men walking around thinking they know everything about sex when they do not even know how to take the time to satisfy their own women. There are some who do not care about satisfying their women at all as long as the man is satisfied. Leave these types alone completely – they are not worth a woman’s time.

In short, ladies, the next time your guy has the gall to demand sex without any thought to your feelings on the matter – show him where to find a cold shower and afterwards have a long talk with him about how to please you. Before long you will both be walking around with big smiles on your faces.

Just imagine a world where both the men and the women are sexually satisfied. Gender equality may actually usher in utopia after all.


Entry filed under: feminism, feminist, misogyny, Stella Ramsaroop, women, women's issues. Tags: , , , , .

Women should not obey men Women need the right costumes in life

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mama Luxe  |  June 25, 2007 at 2:49 am

    You make some interesting points.

    I would also add that it makes things better for both partners, too. Don’t forget, though, that it cuts both ways–and both parties should keep the spirit of generosity alive.

    Gender is an issue in our society, but you could take what you wrote and put in gender neutral pronouns and it would still hold true!

    I am curious, though, as to how you came to the conclusion that prehistoric societies were matriarchies?

  • 2. stellar1  |  June 25, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    I agree with your comment that both parties should keep the spirit of generosity alive.

    I have been reading a book entitled, “When God was a Woman” by Merlin Stone in which she shows a wealth of evidence that points to matriarchal and matrilinal societies in the near and middle east before the invasion of the northern tribes who brought with them patriarchy.

  • 3. Life's Elsewhere  |  July 8, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    This comment is not to lead you to my blog. I just want to draw your attention to a brilliant writer, a friend of mine, who shies away from attentions. But she has written a very touching piece on certain things which has happened to her friends. I think it is topical and she deserves to be read.

  • 4. stellar1  |  July 8, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    thanks for the link, life’s elsewhere.

  • 5. dianarn  |  July 10, 2007 at 2:27 am

    Haha, one of my nursing profs was telling us a story of when she was doing a history & physical on a patient and asked her if she is sexually active. The woman replied, “I don’t think so… I kinda just lay there.” I do agree that there are many groups that believe women should be submissive and that sex is only for reproduction. I think it’s idiotic, especially when most cultures preach there has to be a balance between the masculine (creative & destructive potential) and the feminine (sustain and nurture potential). I also find it funny that the head ding dong of the biggest secret all-male club (the Freemasons) is the Queen Mum, herself. 🙂

  • 6. whiteorchid  |  July 10, 2007 at 7:38 am

    It comes down to what you will accept and who your man is. It comes down to morals and men holding thier woman in their arms like thier quessn and the woman seeing her husband like a king.

    What you accept, you can not be expected to want more if you accept less.

    I rescue chldren from brothels, I have love one woman in my whole like, I am 26, I will never love another as to me this is an inane point, you can not love someone else… you love one person, as anything else, any reason you leave eachother for someone else, you loved someone for who you thought they were, not who they were.


  • 7. Sofia  |  July 10, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    I am madly in love with my feet, does it counts?

    Greetings sofia

  • 8. bg  |  July 11, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    That is all fine as long as she doesn’t complain if I go get it someplace else.

  • 9. stellar1  |  July 11, 2007 at 8:45 pm

    If you go get it somewhere else, you don’t deserve her or any good woman with a brain. You just need a dog that will do your bidding.

  • 10. bg  |  July 11, 2007 at 9:57 pm

    I’m sure you have all the answers, stellar1. NOT!

    Sometimes you’re just stuck together and there’s no way out and you ain’t getting any and she doesn’t want you and doesn’t want you getting it anywhere else either. Some women are just that way.

    No, I would never force her, but it isn’t fair to always say no. I just got screwed (figuratively), that’s all.

    As for romance and foreplay, I’ve tried it all. No good.

  • 11. stellar1  |  July 11, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    This blog is not about relationship issues, it’s about helping women to get past the entrenched patriarchal system in our society. If you are having problems in your relationship, perhaps you should see a counselor or a therapist.

  • 12. bg  |  July 11, 2007 at 11:59 pm

    You said: “If you go get it somewhere else, you don’t deserve her or any good woman with a brain. You just need a dog that will do your bidding.” That’s just BS – you obviously know nothing. By your reasoning I guess I don’t deserve sex at all, huh? More BS. Typical I guess for a site like this.

    But you’ve gone and made me laugh. Thanks!

    The whole article is about relationships. DUH!


  • 13. stellar1  |  July 12, 2007 at 2:08 am


    Have you thought that perhaps your attitude of “That is all fine as long as she doesn’t complain if I go get it someplace else” might be your problem?

    Really, if you are so unhappy and she is so unhappy,and you do not want to get some therapy to work things out, then perhaps its time to move on. Cheating on her is not a way to make you or her happy. In the long run it just hurts everyone even more.

  • 14. LindaC  |  July 14, 2007 at 8:48 pm

    One thing I believe many men don’t seem to realize is that *real* foreplay starts outside of the bedroom. The number one complaint many women share is that their men don’t help around the house enough.

    When both partners are working, but the woman is carrying the majority of the household chores, the best foreplay starts when he actually picks up a broom or mop once in a while.

    All the romance and petting in the world don’t help if the woman feels like her hubby acts like a child that needs a mommy to clean after him. When there’s trouble in the bedroom, it’s usually because there’s trouble outside the bedroom.

    Just my two cents… 😉

  • 15. Joe  |  August 16, 2007 at 2:09 am

    For me as a male, demand is on the same level as rape.
    We are partners, nothing more. Nothing less.

  • 16. Anonymous  |  March 2, 2009 at 1:19 am

    “That is all fine as long as she doesn’t complain if I go get it someplace else.”

    uhh so you’d go and get it from someone else just because you’re too lazy to pleasure her?

  • 17. independentlyowned  |  July 12, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Excellent post! I only recently discovered your blog because it was randomly linked to my own. I am currently in an Arab-Muslim country that has many women’s rights, some even better than in the US. However, it’s interesting that when I ask my Tunisian friends if marital rape is illegal here, they simply don’t understand what that is.

    I would agree that some people think women shouldn’t enjoy sex, but there are even more who think that even though women should enjoy sex, she gave her everlasting consent when she tied the knot. While I’m not sure about Muslim wedding vows, I certainly missed the part where the woman says, “To love and to hold, through sickness and in health, whenever you’re in the mood even if I don’t want to, til death do us part.”

  • 18. LGC  |  June 5, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I disagree with tour point that female orgasms do not further reproduction. The female orgasm causes the uterus to contract drawing semen through the cervix. Studies have shown that conception is far more likely to occur when semen is deposited into the vagina with a male orgasm followed by a female orgasm which furthers the sperm on its journey to fertilize an ova.

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